The 30 Year Old MileStone
Birthdays have never really bothered me, but this year is different. Why does it feel so strange to no longer be a twenty-something?
When the clock struck twelve on 21st June 2008, I got this text message from a friend-"Welcome to the club!". It then dawned on me that my 20s have come to an end and I have just stepped into the next decade of my life on earth. It's a big turning point; when one enters 20s from teens, it's usually not considered a big deal. But going from your 20s to your 30s, now, that's a different story.
This birthday actually snuck up on me. I didn't realise i was already hitting the dreaded big 3 - OH until just 2 weeks ago - I must have been living in denial since the start of the year. Where is the "Turning 30 for dummies" book when I need it the most?!
There is so much hype about turning 30 - I have been getting so many comments this past week regarding the prospect of turning 30. On the commemorative day itself, text messages came streaming through with comments like "Wow! Welcome 2 de oldies club! Does older mean wiser?" or "Once you turn 30 the memory starts going already. You'll even start forgetting how old you are". And the worst was the comment made by my my teenage cousin after she wished me happy birthday - "5 more years and you will be facing middle age crisis." and she had that comment posted right smack on my facebook wall rephrased as "Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy Birthday. Don't worry! 5 more years to middle age crisis". Middle age crisis in 5 years?? That quickly prompted me to turn to my macbook and googled "age + middle age crisis" which brought me to the wikipedia link"=
[Plucked out of Wikipedia]
"For the approximately 10% of middle aged adults who go through an age-related midlife crisis, the condition is most common ranging from the ages of 35-50 (a large study in the 1990s[5] found that the average age at onset of a self-described midlife crisis was 46)"
Gosh- as if growing a year older wasn't stressful enough and I have to deal with such thoughts. I now feel very ancient!
I keep thinking back to the time when I was younger and meeting people who were 30 and also thinking "wow! they are old" It seems like only yesterday that I was turning 20 and leaving my teen years behind. Was that really ten years ago? When I was in my early 20s, the world was an open book. I felt as if I could do anything and accomplish everything. Those were the carefree days that I now so long for! Those were the years when my worries were just about the grades I make each semester at uni, whether my parents tele transfered enough 'dough' to fund my Kiwi overland trip, whether a particular day is the right day to do laundry or ironing or whether with limited travelling finances I have in hand, I should sky dive / hand glide & etc.- the good 'ole days! After almost 7 years of working life, financial juggling, and other adult responsibilities, I find myself wondering, is there any way to become a teen again.
For the past week, I kept thinking this is the last Wednesday that i will be a 20 something, this is the last time i'll do this in my 20s, this is the last whatever. I guess I am a sentimental person at heart that I get attached to everything... including my age. Time was passing so slowly for so long but now it seems to have suddenly flown and brought me to this point and making me question myself what on earth have I been doing with myself for the last 29 years??! My first instinct was to reflect.
I wish I could turn back time or even stay the hand of time. I know it's now too late to figure out what I want to do before 30. I should have thought about it before when I was like say, 25? I immediately began to think of and lament the things I have never done, the accomplishments I've always dreamed of but have yet to achieve. The long list left me a little depressed and time tells me that now I am officially firmly on the path of being a 30-SOMETHING - too late, Help!!
In these days of self-reflection I realise that once I accept the fact that I am THIRTY, there must be much soul searching and agonising to be done, key decisions to be made about how I'm going to live my life from hereon in. There are major changes and decisions that have to be made and adopted, but if I want to set myself up to really enjoy my thirties, well then I'll just have to make those changes. The sooner the better.
Age 30 i realised, is a moment of truth when certain realities of life sets in. The world expects that you would have already had every aspect of your life worked out,, be financially sound and stable, be secured in your career, have a significant other with a prospect of either marriage or children, & etc. In short, the world expects that you would have already made it or at least, in the process of making it. Issues that previously sort of bugged me have suddenly been magnified.
Then I stopped to ask myself "How do I really feel about turning 30?" "Is turning 30 really this depressing?" and "Does it really mean downhill for me from hereon?" - Ridiculous! What's wrong with me? That's when I decided I need a change of focus. I guess change is never easy, regardless of a person's age. Turning to friends who are already in the "bracket", I sought for answers and encouragement. One said "U have entered a different phase of life where good things have just begun, Trust me, it's a real deal" She's 33 this year. And then there are the others who are having a blast of their lives and they are pushing 40s ('wink') and there is my boyfriend who has been eagerly welcoming me into this next decade of my life 'coz he has been there for far too long! So this is what I have resolved about turning 30- I will handle the situation well - it is just a number after all. It is just another year of life and experience to have under my belt. Maybe I might not be where I thought I would be by the time I turn 30, but no one really fulfill every dream and achieve every goal of their lives. The truth is, we all go off course at some point of our lives and it takes time to steer ourselves back on course, so after giving it much thought I reckon what matters most is that we make the most of our journey through this life. Maybe adulthood isn't so bad after all. At least my freaking out of being 30 has made me put everything of my life under the microscope for re-examination. And now that I am winding up this entry, I must say that my mood has actually been lifted. So to those of you out there - hitting the 30 year old milestone isn't so bad after all, just hang on tight and let it ride, which is what I am going to be doing. After all, unlike a birthday present, life is not always nicely and neatly packaged and tied with a bow. May this be the best decade of my life!!