Goodbyes...

“We little knew that morning
That God would call you home
In life we loved you dearly; 
In death we do the same”

Saying goodbye is one of the hardest things. I remember when I was young I was often told, for there to be another meeting, there has to be a parting. That made it easier for me to say my goodbyes to close friends and relatives after each gathering.

However, I have come to know that the hardest goodbyes are the ones never said. On the morning of 31^st August 2011 that saying of ‘for there to be another meeting, there has to be a parting’ brought no comfort to me. It was the day Pa left this scene of life – never to return. 

We are never ready to say goodbye to someone we hold dear and if it were up to us, we would want to hold on to our loved ones and never let them go. Watching Pa slowly fade into eternity that morning was a heart-rending moment and I don’t remembering uttering the word ‘Goodbye’. That very hour is still so vivid in my mind but more often than not; I try to block any playbacks of that hour, as it brings back sad memories.

We never knew Pa was going to leave us that soon but somehow at that very hour, we all knew that we were losing him. We were all gathered at his side. It is believed that hearing is the last sense to go as one comes close to death and we spoke words of comfort and reassurance as he drifted off to a better place.

Losing Pa is painful because he had been an integral part of our lives and had always been our pillar of strength, our source of comfort, our walking encyclopaedia, our everything, as cliché as it sounds. As long as he could, he wanted to be there for us and for all important events of our lives and he never failed us 

In a couple of days it would be one (1) year since Pa has gone home to be with the Lord and not one single day passes, that we don’t miss him. Life is not as fulfilling without Pa. There will always be that void in our lives – his passing does leave a gaping hole. I can’t recall the many moments/times when there’s something I really needed Pa for or times when I have something I want to share with him and realized, he is no longer here. That said, I know that it is just such sweet release for him, no more pain, no more suffering.

Now that Pa is gone, we learn to carry on and we try think of the happy times we’ve had with him, in the hope that these special memories will slowly replace the deep sorrow that is within our hearts.

In closing, below is a poem that loudly echoes my feelings:- 

No words I write can ever say
How much I miss you every day. 
As time goes by, the loneliness grows; 
How I miss you, nobody knows! 

I think of you in silence, 
I often speak your name,
But all I have are memories 
And photos in a frame. 

No one knows my sorrow, 
No one sees me weep, 
But the love I have for you
Is in my heart to keep. 

I've never stopped loving you
I'm sure I never will;
Deep inside my heart,
You are with me still. 

Heartaches in this world are many
But mine is worse than any. 
My heart still aches as I whisper low,
"I need you and I miss you so." 

The things we feel so deeply 
Are often the hardest to say, 
But I just can't keep quiet any more, 
So I'll tell you anyway.

There is a place in my heart
That no one else can fill; 
I love you so, Pa

And I always will.

Author unknown